So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
