My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
