ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
