My sheets look like a crime scene.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
