There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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