Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
