I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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