Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
