I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
