I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You ruined the universe
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
