He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
did i walk over a car last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
