Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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