great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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