U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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