I am in a vortex of obligation.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
