you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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