I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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