we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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