uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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