You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
And then he peed in my hair
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