I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize