My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
