TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My bed smells like the plague
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
