Jerry, you need to find god
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
