Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
