We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
