That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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