glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think your dad took our porno
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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