So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
