she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
