just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
