i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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