I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
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remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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