I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
