so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
