You made me cry and you don't even care
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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