so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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