So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
this is an emotional support booty call
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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