I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
