why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
