my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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