i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
