Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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