2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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