I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
