i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize