why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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