Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
