when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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