the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
