I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
