so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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