id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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