whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
