wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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