I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
