Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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