I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There r osticjed everywhere
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
