You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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