if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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