The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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