I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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