i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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