i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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