there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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